Quoting from the article, followed by my subjective thoughts on it. (Note: What I write is not just about men being unaware, it's anybody who is blessed enough to be unaware. Not only about physical threats, but lifelong emotional conditioning ).
""For the first time, I think we men are getting to know how women have been feeling." WE are seeing a steady stream of male anxiety emerge about the #metoo movement — from water cooler, to the opinion pages, to the floor of parliament:
""For the first time, I think we men are getting to know how women have been feeling." WE are seeing a steady stream of male anxiety emerge about the #metoo movement — from water cooler, to the opinion pages, to the floor of parliament:
“I don’t know what to say anymore.”
“I am never sure what women think is offensive.”
“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.”
Many men feel uncomfortable, afraid they’ll be misinterpreted, their intentions misunderstood.
Women: does this sound familiar?
Actually, women have been feeling uncomfortable in the workplace, afraid their actions will be misinterpreted or misunderstood for about three centuries. We men have been uncomfortable for about three months."
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My subjective thoughts: But the difference is, when men are misinterpreted, their worst fear is accusation, a loss of job maybe. When women / other genders are misinterpreted, they fear their life and safety as a bare minimum. I repeat, so it can sink in- read word by word, slowly please-"they fear their life and safety as a bare minimum. And yes, I have seen/heard some men in my friends/family/peers being anxious, confused, scared, frustrated that women are speaking out frequently and for seemingly no real reason/issue. It just doesn't stop and it's getting worse by the day right? So much noise in the background and atmosphere all the time and in your heads- can't get rid of it? Like someone is watching/ listening/ waiting to attack like a sly fox/ predators? To film you and post revenge videos on the internet? Throw acid on you? Revenge rape you for saying something as innocuous as , 'No I don't like that movie'? or worse, even not saying anything at all. or for Not noticing your existence? Have to tread life like walking a jungle? walking on eggshells- tiptoeing? yet have to perform greatly at work and school, stay focused- not be paranoid and 'over react'? ? and stay at ease? I have seen/ heard men react with great discomfort, anger, fear, accusations and even crying (for being catcalled or touched inappropriately) yes, when they had to face situations similar to what women have been facing for centuries but much higher intensity/ frequency/dire consequences. The first time is the hardest isn't it? Shocking? Traumatic? You fall silent? Don't know how to describe what you felt? whom to talk to? Are you ssshhh-ed? Such harassment? Are you told you get used to it and develop survival skills? You are aggressive for expressing hurt? sensitive for blowing it up? Teach your sons to be 'very careful'? 'Draw no attention'? 'shrink into their small space around their skin'? 'not utter anything, for everything is wrong?' Finding it difficult to comprehend why so much fuss all the time?What are these non -men genders doing/ talking? Makes no sense why you have to live in high alert mode all the time? overthink everything? Can't just chill? You are no Gi Joe fighting off crimes afterall. It's no war zone after all. Anxiety is exactly the right word and I truly empathize with men , women and everyone in between and beyond who are having to go through it , and I feel sorry for them- no one should live in fear, insecurity, conscious of judgement, attacks, punishment, shame, slander of character, rapes, losing jobs. Why? Because I know the feeling; we women know the feeling that only experience can make one see - I have been taught to feel that way since the day I was born a girl child. If anyone needs leaders for covert dangerous missions, might as well recruit women- we are born prepared. It's really like a side hustle yo. Among many others. Might as well find gigs and get paid for the full time soldier life we lead on the side. It is a sad state of mind. It will slowly eat you up yes. How to deal with the lack of safety/ privilege to feeling free? We all have to work on it, discuss, learn, have open conversations, accept , not question, how the other person feels, no matter our intentions-all genders. No judgement, no stigma. Putting respect and emotional/physical safety above everything else in our daily interactions with others.On a daily basis- on an hourly basis, on a seconds basis..Like a ticking time bomb. Like a thriller movie's plot unraveling, with the dangerous music playing.Sweating. Such is the power of psychological conditioning. Are you told by your concerned grandfathers when you go to college- to not react/respond to women accusing / cat calling/ looking/ whistling/ commenting. For the fear of them raping you, throwing acid-such extreme consequence? With this playing in the background, at the back of your head, you step out every morning? every morning, while to onlookers- you are just talking, walking, playing, reading, eating, laughing. On the inside, you are preparing, for anything horrible that can happen that minute. To defend. Constantly." It's tiring you know? I don't expect you to understand or believe us. For those who have not felt any surge of emotion or remembered events that you can relate the post to. Any gender you belong to- you have escaped one of the most painful , cruel suffering and oppression. You must be surrounded with wonderful and accepting people who chose to love you and let you be above everything else. or, those that do not have the guts/ care to correct you. or love you enough to overlook your lack of awareness to save you the discomfort or, don't care enough about you to be educate you on the matter. If you haven't experienced it. I understand you don't know it. But please don't wonder if such constant speaking out/ awareness/alarm is required. It is. You can't imagine the roots and the scale of this . May we all feel what you feel. Safe. And clueless. Even if it's just an illusion. Even if it's just for a day. Please don't roll your eyes. Be curious , empathetic, ask questions , seek answers, give answers.
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My subjective thoughts: But the difference is, when men are misinterpreted, their worst fear is accusation, a loss of job maybe. When women / other genders are misinterpreted, they fear their life and safety as a bare minimum. I repeat, so it can sink in- read word by word, slowly please-"they fear their life and safety as a bare minimum. And yes, I have seen/heard some men in my friends/family/peers being anxious, confused, scared, frustrated that women are speaking out frequently and for seemingly no real reason/issue. It just doesn't stop and it's getting worse by the day right? So much noise in the background and atmosphere all the time and in your heads- can't get rid of it? Like someone is watching/ listening/ waiting to attack like a sly fox/ predators? To film you and post revenge videos on the internet? Throw acid on you? Revenge rape you for saying something as innocuous as , 'No I don't like that movie'? or worse, even not saying anything at all. or for Not noticing your existence? Have to tread life like walking a jungle? walking on eggshells- tiptoeing? yet have to perform greatly at work and school, stay focused- not be paranoid and 'over react'? ? and stay at ease? I have seen/ heard men react with great discomfort, anger, fear, accusations and even crying (for being catcalled or touched inappropriately) yes, when they had to face situations similar to what women have been facing for centuries but much higher intensity/ frequency/dire consequences. The first time is the hardest isn't it? Shocking? Traumatic? You fall silent? Don't know how to describe what you felt? whom to talk to? Are you ssshhh-ed? Such harassment? Are you told you get used to it and develop survival skills? You are aggressive for expressing hurt? sensitive for blowing it up? Teach your sons to be 'very careful'? 'Draw no attention'? 'shrink into their small space around their skin'? 'not utter anything, for everything is wrong?' Finding it difficult to comprehend why so much fuss all the time?What are these non -men genders doing/ talking? Makes no sense why you have to live in high alert mode all the time? overthink everything? Can't just chill? You are no Gi Joe fighting off crimes afterall. It's no war zone after all. Anxiety is exactly the right word and I truly empathize with men , women and everyone in between and beyond who are having to go through it , and I feel sorry for them- no one should live in fear, insecurity, conscious of judgement, attacks, punishment, shame, slander of character, rapes, losing jobs. Why? Because I know the feeling; we women know the feeling that only experience can make one see - I have been taught to feel that way since the day I was born a girl child. If anyone needs leaders for covert dangerous missions, might as well recruit women- we are born prepared. It's really like a side hustle yo. Among many others. Might as well find gigs and get paid for the full time soldier life we lead on the side. It is a sad state of mind. It will slowly eat you up yes. How to deal with the lack of safety/ privilege to feeling free? We all have to work on it, discuss, learn, have open conversations, accept , not question, how the other person feels, no matter our intentions-all genders. No judgement, no stigma. Putting respect and emotional/physical safety above everything else in our daily interactions with others.On a daily basis- on an hourly basis, on a seconds basis..Like a ticking time bomb. Like a thriller movie's plot unraveling, with the dangerous music playing.Sweating. Such is the power of psychological conditioning. Are you told by your concerned grandfathers when you go to college- to not react/respond to women accusing / cat calling/ looking/ whistling/ commenting. For the fear of them raping you, throwing acid-such extreme consequence? With this playing in the background, at the back of your head, you step out every morning? every morning, while to onlookers- you are just talking, walking, playing, reading, eating, laughing. On the inside, you are preparing, for anything horrible that can happen that minute. To defend. Constantly." It's tiring you know? I don't expect you to understand or believe us. For those who have not felt any surge of emotion or remembered events that you can relate the post to. Any gender you belong to- you have escaped one of the most painful , cruel suffering and oppression. You must be surrounded with wonderful and accepting people who chose to love you and let you be above everything else. or, those that do not have the guts/ care to correct you. or love you enough to overlook your lack of awareness to save you the discomfort or, don't care enough about you to be educate you on the matter. If you haven't experienced it. I understand you don't know it. But please don't wonder if such constant speaking out/ awareness/alarm is required. It is. You can't imagine the roots and the scale of this . May we all feel what you feel. Safe. And clueless. Even if it's just an illusion. Even if it's just for a day. Please don't roll your eyes. Be curious , empathetic, ask questions , seek answers, give answers.
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